So the man who crucified Bill Clinton over his cheating in the 1990's is about to announce that he will run for president despite having enough skeletons in his closet to fill a college anatomy lab. Newt Gingrich, whose penchant for extra-marital vagina is well-documented, the man who said he's previously cheated out of patriotism, will officially announce his candidacy Wednesday, planning to turn a lifetime of tail-chasing into a political asset.I have to agree.
I will never forgive Ronald Reagan for tying the Republican Party to the Religious Right. But he did it, and it got them a lot of votes from religious people.
It also gave them the ability to say "Shame on you!" whenever they caught Democrats in scandals or extra-marital affairs. They did this loudly, and at great expense to the American people, when we learned that Bill Clinton got some head from Monica Lewinski.
It also gave them some new platform planks- they have to be anti-abortion (I know they prefer "Prolife" but really, who isn't in favor of life?). They have to oppose smutty and suggestive television shows and music lyrics. In short, they have to act like the religious conservatives whose vote they are whoring themselves for.
So, now, Gingrich waddles back onto the public stage.
Did you know that he got married for the first time four years before his current wife was born?
He cheated on his first two wives, one of the affairs going on while he was spending buckets of American tax dollars on an impeachment trial.
I give you back to Andy Ostroy for his thoughts at this point, he says it better than I:
I for one am thrilled that Gingrich is running, as I promise to be on him like a Republican Congressman on a House page. We'll relentlessly hound him for cheating on and shamelessly dumping two ailing wives. For having an affair with his much older high school teacher and his 22-years younger aide. For asking wife #2, Marianne, to "tolerate" his tawdry affair with future wife #3 Callista in some sick, kinky open-marriage fantasy. We'll resurrect the 1982 House Banking scandal and his 22 bounced checks. We'll remind everyone of the 1984 and 1995 book scandals and dust off the GOPAC scandal and illegal use of non-profit funds for political purposes. We'll expose his family-values hypocrisy 'round the clock like a McDonald's drive-thru, and slap him so hard with his lewd past that he'll feel like he went 15 rounds with Mike Tyson.